Breakup gifts

If you want to sink the love boat, just go straight to the damn point. Don't give the 'it's hard to say goodbye' line because we know it's harder accepting it. You are already the bad guy here but you don't want to appear brutal. Here's the ideal way to say it and you might get a thank you in return or they may cuss you out depending on how much it hurts.
Jewelry: Something they can pawn to make up for a waste of time. But they may see it as a sign of hope and hold on to it thinking someday you'll come back begging. Make sure it's valuable.
A blank cheque: With this, all your sins will be forgiven.
An all-inclusive luxury vacation: Only if you can afford it or you'll be thrown into an unprecedented financial crisis.
Cosmetic surgery: Whenever she looks in the mirror, she would have you to thank.
A treat: Candy, chocolate, ice-cream, cookies and potato chips fall in this category. This is probably the first thing they would get themselves. So, why not do the honors of getting it for them. They are likely to tip the scales. Be kind to go for non-fat, low sodium and low sugar.
Sunglasses: There'd be much crying afterwards. They'll want to go out to the grocery store, work, or some public place. This accessory conceals their emotions and also saves them the stress of explaining to everyone why they have a dour appearance.
Daily delivery of toilet paper, chicken noodle soup, and booze: They need to stack up on these too.
Plush pillows, blanket and toys: Our friends would help nip the breakup shivers in the bud and also take the place of your body, keeping her warm at night.
Netflix: Make sure you renew their subscription before leave. She'll be binging on chips, ice-cream and classic romantic movies. There's no guarantee it would relieve the pain.
A pet: Get her a furry little animal. It maybe a cat, dog, pony, or mouse. You may even get her a fish. If there's one already, let her have it. But if it's certain it would be crucified for your sins, file for a joint custody.
Workout gear/Gym card/Both: After getting over you and admitting you're history, it's time to get back to their pre-broken state.
Makeup kit: Our strong boy or girl needs to slay again. They may get it right this time around. We can only wish them luck.
Sex: This was given or gotten for free so now it belongs to the gift category. Well, if he was mean to you, for pity sake, you may do this if you were sex partners before now. But if you are a virgin, give it to someone deserving, your husband.

Things not to get
There are some gifts that are a no-no. Not that you care anymore but you wouldn't want to appear stupid and inconsiderate. Well, truth be told, I've been bitchy about this topic, haven't I? But, you don't have to take to my advice. You made the mess, mop up your own way.
An album/old pictures of the both of you: Shredding your pictures will soon be a hobby so don't bother.
Perfume: This has a romantic appeal attached to it. Don't give them false hope.
Drama: Telling them you'd like you guys to remain friends and you're sorry it had to end this way, is bull.
A gun or pocket knife: Now that you're leaving, there is no one to protect your love. Well, your thought of getting her a weapon of self-defence may be the death of you. So, think again.

In addition to my list of things to get is an online site called The Breakup Shop. If you are a wimp and can't face the one you are breakingup with, contact them. They help draft breakup mails for clients and send them, they also call inform your ex about your decision not to continue with the relationship. There is also a breakup box for storing their items and burning them anytime you feel like it. Other sites are Amazon, Etsy etc.
Good luck!